Saturday, April 29, 2006
News #008: May Day bound to cause crisis
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Experts predict that standardized test scores and wages may see a temporary increase, and Mexican president Vincente Fox is predicting a temporary one-day economic crisis for Mexico. “How are we supposed to enforce our border policy like this?” Fox complained, “Without any money from the United States, we won’t have enough taxes to beat, rob, or kill our Guatemalan illegals!”
In other news, Sen. John McCain is quoted as having told radio host Don Imus that he’d rather have a clean government than “First Amendment rights.” ASUA officials are reportedly speaking out in response, accusing Sen. McCain of “stealing our idea.”
And finally, the Arizona Board of Regents has given its stamp of approval to the University of Arizona to install more wireless Internet access in high-traffic areas of campus. Officials noted, “Finally, students will have something more to do than sudoku, crossword puzzles, and Hex Talk during lectures. Now, they can use AOL Instant Messenger, MySpace, and Facebook.” Professors are elated that the proposal will probably reduce verbal talking in class. One professor noted “When this is all done, we’ll have reached a new low.”
Today's theme song is Fisher: Chicago as recorded by Eric Prancer conducted by Fred Lewis and performed by the Bensenville/Wood Dale Concert Band. Per their (ambiguous) request of noncommercial use, this episode falls under the Attribution-NonCommercial 2.5 license available at Creative Commons.
posted by GPO, 3:01 PM
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