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TUCSON, AZ -- In the wake of growing union deficits, Arizona Student Unions and University of Arizona administration have proposed to hold “Third World Awareness Week” sometime in late August of this year. The plan would involve, among other things, all union food operations closing for the entire week, thus subjecting the entire campus to the conditions of the Third World.

“What a great idea,” noted one official. “Now, we can truly come together and stand united with the rest of the world rather than continuing to suffer under the bonds of capitalism. I surely hope students don’t leave, because they could really be leaving an informative experience.”

The McKale Center will open its doors 24 hours before the week is to begin to allow students to sleep there. Plumbing will be completely cut off to ensure proper stench within the facility, and a large supply of military-grade Meals Ready to Eat, or MRE’s, will be sent in to ensure students are able to sell them off on EBay. Restaurants around campus have reportedly agreed to participate in the week, and UAPD and the National Guard have already agreed to place guards around the McKale Ticket Office and Sports Shop to prevent possible looters from stealing souvenir jerseys and next year’s basketball tickets.

“We’re also trying to get a large number of ethnic minorities into staying in McKale,” another top official said, “McKale will become a chocolate arena.”

Arizona Student Unions predicts that the week will cut its deficits by about 1.9%, as it’s only lasting for one of 52 weeks in the year, enough to provide a Diet Coke to each and every student, just in case they get thirsty. Insiders expect UA administration and Governor Janet Napolitano to subsequently blame President Bush and the Republican Party for the entire mess, just in time for the midterm elections.

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TUCSON, ARIZONA -- The individual notoriously known for years on the University of Arizona campus as “The Goodwill Mugger” appears to have set up a system by which his victims can apply for refunds of stolen cash.

The site entitled “goodwillmugger.org” asks victims for their name and student ID number, after which the money is mysteriously deposited back into their UA bursar’s account.

Despite protest by many students, goodwillmugger.org officials noted that the money is used for a “good cause,” and thus students should not ask for a refund. Strangely enough, students who have attempted to keep their money while confronted by the Goodwill Mugger have not been able to register for classes or apply for financial aid and eventually get nasty phone calls from collection agencies.

Arizona Student Unions could not be reached for comment.