News #007: UA fires med school resident (and more...)
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Officials have fired a University of Arizona medical school resident of Chinese nationality, citing his inability to speak Engrish…er…English. In a statement to the Tucson Citizen, the man said…uh…you know what, I’m not going there.
Meanwhile, a man in Yuma has been ordered to spend 90 days in jail and repay more than $300,000, in monthly $300 installments, after having stolen it from collection plates at a local Roman Catholic church. Meanwhile, Arizona Lottery officials have taken notice and created the “one million-dollar lotto”, whose winner gets one dollar every year for a million years. One official noted, “Since lottery players are so mathematically inept, I don’t know how we didn’t think of this in the first place!”
And finally, the UA Classics department alongside Arizona Athletics is investigating claims that a UA basketball player and others received preferential treatment with independent study courses. The player noted “I don’t know why they’re complaining. My thesis is about how the Greeks invented basketball, curling, and snowboard racing. Come on, didn’t you watch the Olympics?”
Today’s theme song is “A Pizza Without Time” by Derek K. Miller.